It's a Monday again. And it's going to be a busy, busy week. I dread just thinking about it so I'm not going through a lengthy detail of what is in store for me this week. All I can say is I'll be away at Copthorne King's Hotel with all my fellow Special Assistants and Project Officers from my zone, my DD, my Supts, 4 Principals, and about 50 Vice Principals, overnight stay for this year's VP Retreat. Tuesday till Wednesday. We'll be going to St James Power Station on Tuesday night and the CEO, Dennis Foo himself will be addressing us. It'll be interesting to see what he has to say. I am in this committee. Which means it's butt numbing work. And I will be so, so glad when it finally ends.

Met Dev on Sunday and went to watch Harry Potter. Which was crappy cos they didn't follow the book closely. Wasted my time. Had a talk with him at night while we were having dinner. And he spoke again of his reluctance to embrace my religion. Which got me thinking. How long am I going to wait? I've been waiting for him to decide for many years now, 4 years to be exact. He told me to give him time, which I have. We went for the Beginners Course for Islam in March and I saw a ray of hope there. But when that ended, any further discussion also ended. And I didn't want to push so I left it at that. But now that he's leaving soon for Melboure, I wanted a definitive answer, cos I don't want to be left hanging. Cos we all know that its an either or thing. There's no trying to beat the system.

I guess it's not an easy choice for him. He has been raised as a Chrisitian, he was baptised, he goes to church, though not regularly, he has lived his whole life with a set of rules, and principles, laid out by his religion, and he is expected to sacrifice all that to be with me. And I'm sure his mom won't be the happiest person to find out that her son has decided to convert. I know mine won't. Despite me being rather modern and not overly religious, I know that conversion should not be a matter of coercion. It should be a matter of chocie as there's no point in deceiving God cos...well, , he's God.

I used to be so angry with God for making me go through a relationship which has no hope. Why put me together with a guy, knowing for sure he's not going to convert? Is HE making a mockery of me? Now, I can only pray that he's doing this for a reason, and maybe it's a test of how strong my faith is. I waver very easily when it comes to religion..but I don't know why this time round, I stand firm to what is required.

It's so depressing. It's like the last time, all over again. Whatever it is, I hope he makes a decision soon and don't leave me hanging. We love each other very much, but unfortunately, love does not transcend all barriers. I'm not usually a mushy or sickeningly sweet person when it comes to my boyfriend. But all I can and will say is, whatever he decides, it's something which I will respect. If he decides to convert, I will be a very happy girl and I will start planning for the next phase of our relationship. If he decides not to, well.... I will be very sad cos there has been a lot of emotional investment in the relationship; all the memories, the plans, the happy times.....

I believe everything happens for a reason and Insya Allah, HE will know what's best for me. And I hope that HE will give me the strength to pull through anything that comes my way. Insya Allah.