I have been so sick and recovered just in time for the Chinese New Year long weekend. It started early last week in what I thought was a simple flu and stayed home to recuperate for a day and a half. Then I went back to school on a Friday, and still managed to watch Cuban ballet @ the Esplanade with Maya in the evening and worked through the whole Sat morning in school. Then I got home, and from there, I got horrendously sick. Fever rose all the way up to 38.5 deg and by night, I was burning up and was coughing like a maniac. And it's not like I was not eating my medication conscientiously. I was!!

I woke up the next morning feeling like I just entered hell. My temperature was at 40 deg, and I was coughing as though my ribs were going to break. It was bad. I was so dizzy from the body heat that I collapsed against my bathroom door and my door actually fell off its hinges! Crazy. Anyway, I went to the doctor again, and got 3 days off from work cos that was how sick I was. And I was concussed in bed all 3 days.

I usually get sick, or very very sick when I am under a lot of stress. And this only happens usually 5 months into the school term. But I have been on full turbo engine since 19 Dec 2011 and have not stopped since. I think since 19 Dec to the time I collapsed, I have organised 10 school events (some big, some small) which means I am under constant stress. I just took on this new portfolio fully this year and it has been tough and not very forgiving. I am a stress head and anal about how things go, which means I have to make sure everything is under close scrutiny and I will not breathe until everything is settled. So imagine going through this sequence 10 times in 3 weeks, on top of my teaching and marking...Not the best combination.

I have never worked so hard in my whole life. I am doing so many new things, all at one go. I am a person who is passionate about my job. If you have read through my previous blog entries, yes, I whine about the amount of work that needs to be done, but I ultimately love what I do. I love my kids, I love what I teach, I care for my kids like nobody else does, and I feel for my job. I wake up every morning excited about going to school. But this year, I have been miserable. I don't have as many classes as I have undertaken a more management role, which means my contact with my kids is lesser. I have no form class, nor CCA. But I have so much admin to do, and planning and I don't know if I'm just bad at it or it's really tough. My colleagues tell me I am doing a good job. They are nice. I personally feel that I am barely keeping afloat and I spent my first week in school crying every night cos I dreaded school. Second week was better cos I think I wasn't pms-ing as much, but I think by then, my body decided to shut down, to tell me to stop. And that's why I got so sick. And hence the super long absence from school. And the weight loss. And pasty skin. Vile.

This long CNY weekend has been great. For my physical and mental well being. I did things that I love. I went to the Esplanade with a friend and ate chocolate @ Max Brenners (though I didn't eat much as I was still not 100%), sat by the Esplanade roof top and talked shit. I hung out at Starbucks @ Tanglin Mall and watched youtube on my netbook with another friend, and had coffee and laughed like crazy.  I watched a late movie and had supper. I ran twice in the 4 days break, and hot yoag-ed twice as well. I slept in, I took afternoon naps, I watched America Idol, So you think you can Dance, reruns of the 53rd Annual Grammy Awards, America's Next top model and reruns of Friends, I went to Paul's @ Takashimaya and ate feshly baked croissants.I was just happy to be healthy, laughing and normal again. And I did not touch any work at all.

School's starting again tomorrow, and again, it's going to be full blast. No more long weekend, no more public holidays until March. That is another 6 weeks. I'm going to grit and bear with it, and most importantly, I am going to depend on God and my family and friends to help me pull through this period. I talked to God when I was so sick in bed, and told him to give me the strength to keep at it, and if HE thinks that this is not the right path for me, to show me and I will stop. At the end of the day, fame and fortune do not intrigue me. My sense of optimism, and sanity are the most important things, and I miss having those things with me.