Has been a quiet week, after all the excitement of travelling non stop for almost 4 weeks. I have the whole house to myself most of the time, which is something I savour, as I get some quiet time for myself. I sleep in, read the newspapers, watch a bit of tv, surf the net for a bit, read, and then meet up friends if I have made plans, or do my hair, or my nails, or do random shopping...whichever I feel like. Most importantly, these quiet times allow me to reflect, something which I don't get to do much in the course of the year as I am so busy all the time, surrounded by my friends, and family, and kids.

Sometimes I feel like Im a walking contradiction. I love where I am right now in my life. And I am grateful for the things that I have and am able to do. But you know how sometimes, you get that flicker of doubt? And unsurety? Of course, people don't usually see that as I am always smiling, and happy, and confident. But there would be moments when you get shaken a little bit. Last week, I met one of my friends and she is a singleton, like me. And when I met her, the first thing she did was flashed her finger to me. No, not the middle finger, but THE FINGER. Where you put your wedding ring. Yup, she got proposed to by her boyfriend. And I felt like the worst person in the world, cos the first feelings which came up was...'WHAT!!??? EVEN SHE IS GETTING MARRIED???!!'

I know, Im a horrible horrible person. I should be happy for her!!! There is something seriously wrong with me, I swear. I dont know why I reacted like that. It's just crazy. Almost all my friends in Singapore are married, with kids, or having kids. And I really treasure those who are still single and independent cos they are my pillar of support. Cos seriously, no matter what everyone says, things change once you get married. Worse still if you start having kids. And this is from personal experience, having had really close friends being married and having kids. It's selfish, but I hate losing them. And I think that's why I loved it when I was away studying. Cos all my friends were single, independent, successful and fabulous. And didn't give a damn about being single.

There was Foize, my gorgeous charitable do-gooder friend who works with UN. Then there was Rushika, a highly successful lawyer, highly intelligent, and of course, beautiful. There was Fatima, who epitomises the notion of 'don't give a heck of what the world thinks' and is going to be a Phd holder at the age of 33 and is so bloody stunning. There is Mark; funny, witty, kind, generous, and smart, a doctor to be as well. And of course my darling Ryan. Generous to a fault, loves me to bit, hilarious, ambitious, smart as hell. I love these people, and being around them made me feel normal, that it was ok to be 30, and yet still single and most importantly happy. And they were always around for me. Always. Even until today, I know that I can always depend on them for anything.

But here back home, I can feel that my pillar of support has shrank. And I think that's one reason why I put so much of myself into my job, cos it gives me sanity. And surety. Cos I know that if I work hard, the results show for itself. And it is in my students that I get that sort of love and care. And as strong as one may be, you still need reiteration somtimes. That you are not going nowhere in life. Cos if I hear one more word of 'You are not getting any younger' or 'When are you going to find a boyfriend', I swear I am going to lose it.

Like I said, most of the time, I am happy where I am. But there are moments when you falter. And that is when that strong support system is important.