The word success has so many different interpretations and meaning to different people. I was talking to one my boys last week, when he asked me how is success measured. And as I was talking to him, it got me thinking and reflecting.

When I was much younger, I used to think that success constitutes these factors: A successful career, a stable income, a loving husband, healthy kids, a great family...Stability, to sum it up in one single word. That is the conventional definition of success. At least to me. And that was what I aspired for when I was young. So I studied really hard, got into uni, got a fairly decent job, worked really hard at what I do, set realistic goals for myself,was in long term and stable relationship...all in the name of trying to achieve this 'success'. 10 years down the road, have I achieved what I wanted to achieve?

Last weekend was probably one of the lowest point that I have had in a long, long while. I have accomplished many things in my life. I aspired to further my studies by the time I was 30, and I have attained that. I aspired better things for myself and my family and I have also attained that. Travelling was on the cards for me, and I have been fortunate to be able to travel often and to far flung countries. But when it came to relationships, I score a big fat zero there. I have been able to come to terms with my singlehood, and honestly speaking, I enjoy the perks of being a single. The freedom, independence, stress free....But you know how sometimes you feel that you just want to start a new chapter in your life? And that was how I felt last week. It just seems to me that everyone around me is moving on, and I am stuck on the same page. I see my friends in committed relationships, some are married, some have kids, some are having kids.....And I felt as though I am left behind. It got me questioning and I hated doubting myself.

And then I started to ponder over the things I have achieved in life. At the age of 29, I think I have done a pretty good job. I'm doing something that I love, I'm surrounded by people who love me a lot; my family, friends, and kids; I am financially independent, allowing me to do what I want to do. And I ask myself, how can you not be satisfied with that? A pessimistic Khai would go, 'Yeah, but thats not what I want. I want to settle down.' But on hindsight, I prefer what the optimistic Khai would say. That I am lucky and blessed and sometimes, you can't rush these things. And if it happens, it happens. And I like to think that I am a good person, so maybe God is saving the best for me. :)

Ironically, today I was one of the 5 teachers who was awarded the 'Most Caring Teacher' Award. I did not expect it at all. When my name was announced, and my kids brought the house down with their cheers and applause, the feeling was indescribable. From extreme happiness, to satisfaction, to gratification. For all the efforts I have put in, the love, blood and sweat poured into my job and my kids......And as I went up to the podium to receive my certificate from my principal, that was when I knew what success meant to me.

Success is defined by no one but yourself. Sucess to me, is not about climbing to the top of the corporate ladder, to be a HOD or a principal. To me, it is about impacting the people around me directly and to influence them positively. To know that I have touched them in such a way that the impact stays with them forever. And I think I have accomplished that. The most satisfying thing for me now is to have my kids be the best that they want to be and can be. To know that I have impacted them in such a way that they have faith and start believing in themselves. Life skills which they can take with them for the rest of their life.Success is also about continuing to push yourself beyond your comfort zone. To not stagnate and strive for better things. Does not necessarily be monetary, but things which can enhance yourself as a person.

Is this enough for me? For now, it is. :) And for the men, it will come when it comes. No point rushing things and being stressed when you can do nothing about it. Why waste time over something that is beyond our control and deprive other areas which needs more of our attention?

And with that, I leave you to ponder over what I have written.....Have a good weekend everyone!